In one way or another, anything that is difficult and worth doing is going to take a toll on us. However, in today’s relentlessly busy and ever-connected world, it’s easier than ever to be overwhelmed by even the simplest of days. Add the complexity of the pandemic over the last year and the challenges its created for mental health and it’s even more important that we take an opportunity to re-think what it means to take care of ourselves.

Outside having the right diet, regularly engaging in regular physical activity, and maintaining good relationships, blah blah blah… the one thing we always hear about, and really can’t hear enough about, is how we need to prioritize rest. Yes! There is a real necessity to step away from it all. Even a short period of time away can work wonders.

We know that rest is essential when it comes to health and wellness, but it’s easy to forget just how important it actually is until it’s too late.

In our running lives, lack of rest leads to injury and poor performance.

If we’re not getting enough rest in our professional lives, we feel unmotivated and disengaged. Our levels of productivity and creativity take a big hit and we make mistakes in our work. We come off irritable and no matter how much we love our work, a lack of consistent rest can lead to a place where we hate our work. On top of that, the problem with people not effectively recharging the old batteries comes at $62 billion cost in lost productivity to organizations, every year.

Now that is super scary.

But Doing Self-Care Right Requires More Than Rest

Taking care of ourselves extends beyond the things we do (or don’t do) in the short-term. A positive mindset and the practices we energize for the long-term are the ones that tend to change us in the most profound ways. We are taught that deliberate practice and discipline can give us the keys to higher consciousness and a healthier us, but no matter how hard some of us try, this sh#t is really hard because there is something blocking us, holding us back from being our best.

Then for some of us lucky folk, suddenly something happens.

A drastic life change that makes us see things from a different perspective.

A purposeful shift in thinking that comes from a learning and understanding that we didn’t have before.

Completing a simple next action that leads to the next.

Experiencing and really feeling something that that leads to a bigger, more impacting series of events.

Whatever it is, it’s meaningful enough to send us sailing in a completely new direction, or just maybe the direction we were supposed to go in the first place.

My Own Self-Discovery

One of my favorite quotes is from John Lennon.

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”

I’ve used this quote on many mentoring occasions and workshops over the years, but it means a lot more to me today than it ever has. I had no clue how much I was missing in life until I left my career of almost 28 years and took some time off.

Before I get there though, I want to say with full certainty that I can look back on my professional years and say I was successful. I’m proud of my accomplishments and have nothing but appreciation for all I’ve been a part of, all I’ve experienced and learned, and who I did it with. Without the experience, I certainly wouldn’t be the person I am today. I am grateful.

Over the last few months, it has been humbling to reflect on the privilege that has come with my professional success (e.g. the ability to take time off without having financial stress (a BIG one)). However, in an effort to learn and grow, the time has also provided me an opportunity to dig deeper into the costs of those accolades:

I was a workaholic and prioritized work over a lot of things. My excuse: It is easy to work your ass off when you’ve been taught to work your ass off, when you love what you do, and/or you love the company you do it for as much as I did.

The company’s needs and progression always felt more important than my own advancement. I always felt I owed the company more than I could ask for, so never asked for anything more than what it wanted to give.

My work family was unintentionally more important than my real family. While this isn’t true in my heart and mind, my actions over the years told a different story. I always had an excuse. People needed me, so I needed to do it. Whatever it was.

I was always quick to become a mentor and support others who were in pursuit of bigger and better things, but didn’t drive much of that same advice forward for myself. This led to some long and winding years, spending many of my days not enjoying my work nearly as much as I used to (and in some cases, not at all).

I thought I had really great work/life balance, but it was work/life integration that I had, emphasis on the “work” part. While I’m not against work/life integration, it wasn’t my company, it was someone else’s.

Other people’s happiness was always more important than my own. I felt an obligation to serve, no matter the cost.

Over the years, I only saw most of this in glimpses. And for every glimpse, I always knew there were changes I needed to make, but something else always came first. As they say, “time flies…”, then you realize that life IS what happens when you’re busy making other plans.

With all that said, I am one of those lucky ones. Most people don’t get the opportunity to voluntarily step away from a career and life’s shortcomings. On top of that, we often need something dramatic to happen in our lives for us to open our eyes. Even though we know something can be better, we tend to save it until tomorrow and of course tomorrow never really comes. We’ve all been there.

My explicit time away, along with the help of my life coach, Damián (and a call-to-action), created space for me to engage and get lost in some reflection; exercises that very likely wouldn’t have hit home nearly as deeply had I done it when I was in the thick of things. In the process, I discovered ONE THING that changed everything for me.

I gave myself permission to let go.

I let go of the guilt, grief and anger I was feeling of leaving a company I cared about. I let go the feeling of being responsible for things I was not responsible for. I let go of the fear that I would be nothing if my name or face wasn’t connected to a company that the world loved. I let go of trying to be a super hero. I let go of the toxic people-related distractions in my life. I let go of the grasp that my past had on me and who it wanted me to be. I let go of mistakes of the past. I let go of the fear and uncertainty of not working (or even having a plan). I let go the pressure I was putting on myself to be busy. I let go of the things I know weren’t serving me in becoming a better version of myself.

And the learning was undeniable and valuable, especially for my future self:

I redefined what “quality time” meant with my wife and three kids. I’ve become more focused on bridging the gaps that existed, but I’m also paying attention to the little things in life in a much more authentic way.

I connected with myself on a much deeper level, finding ME versus a version of me who was directly tied to the work I did and/or the company I did it for.

I found a new and revitalized love for running and art, one that wasn’t driven from stress, anxiety, and/or connected to work in any way.

I learned how to be okay with slowing down a bit and being okay with quiet, which improved my mediation, my running AND how I look at the world.

I rediscovered that gratitude really does change everything. I started learning how to live in the moment, fully appreciating all that I do have RIGHT NOW and for all that I know and experienced up to this point.

I reimagined what happiness means to me and committed to “happiness over everything else” in the future. “Life/Work Harmony” is critical to my success.

Above all, while the path forward is still ambiguous and I still have a lot to learn and work on, I have a much clearer awareness and understanding of what I don’t want in life.

I hope this inspires you to notice the things in your life that don’t feel right and prioritize working to make them better in the now. You, just like me, have full permission to do so.

Gratitude.

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